if loving this is wrong, i don't want to be right.

Before 2012, the only Sloppy Joe I ever knew came out of a can.  It had been years since our last meeting and honestly, I hadn’t given Joe much thought since then.  Joe was just a piece of the past…a cheap means to a quick end when dinner had to get on the table.  It was survival cooking which I hope I have left far, far behind me.  But there’s no reason for me to snub Joe now because our past relationship was not healthy.

In most relationships, you can’t change your partner.  All you can change is your own expectations and reactions.  My relationship with Joe is one of the exceptions.  Joe yielded completely to my wishes.  Without argument Joe became exactly what I asked. No longer defined by a list of chemical and preservatives with dubious nutritional value, Joe went natural.

I won’t lie, it wasn’t quick.  It took time.  And patience.  But now Joe is hearty and filling on my terms.  With some planning by me to identify a block of time for Joe to do his thing in the crock pot and a little work to clear freezer space for him to chill out in afterwards, I now have a healthy relationship with Joe.  Without much more effort required to brown my ground beef and open a can, I still have budget friendly means to an easy meal.

Crock Pot Sloppy Joe

Adapted from Foodie With Family

BAH Note: If you don’t have at least a 12 inch frying pan to work with I recommend browning the ground beef in batches.  I was going to say scale the recipe down by half but these are too good not to make the whole batch and stash some in the freezer.  Really.  That good.  I promise.

• 3 pounds ground beef (I used 2 lbs 90/10 and 1 lb 80/20)
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 1 large red pepper, diced
• 2 carrots, peeled and grated
• 18 ounces tomato paste (that’s 3 cans)
• 1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon paprika
• 2 teaspoons dry mustard
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 tablespoon chili powder
• 1/4 teaspoon hot sauce (optional)

Cook the ground beef in a large frying pan, working in batches if you need to, over medium heat until it is lightly browned (no longer pink).  Transfer the ground beef to the insert of your crock pot, straining off and saving the juices and fat from the pan.

Combine the onion, red pepper, carrots, and beef juices in a large microwave safe bowl. Cook on high power for 10 minutes, stirring halfway through.

While the vegetables soften in the microwave, combine the tomato paste, vinegar, sugar, and spices in a bowl.  Stir until they are thoroughly combined.

Add the softened vegetables and tomato paste mixture to the crock pot, stir to completely combine all the ingredients, cover, and cook on low for 6 hours.

{printable recipe}

In a perfect world, we would have had the deviled egg spread conversation right before Easter.  Because really, what happens to all those eggs that have been dyed and decorated after the egg hunt is over?  I wish someone could give me a statistic about egg sales in the two weeks before Easter to gauge the order of magnitude of how many people have hard boiled eggs giving them the stink eye from their fridge in the days after Peter Cottontail has gone hippity hoppity down the lane.

In my not-so-perfect world, this jem has been in the pile to tell you about for months.  That’s horrible, I know.  It’s not that I’ve been hoarding this information.  On the contrary, I gladly shared it with our dinner guests @Yinzerella (Emily) and her fella (Cleve) who were unknowingly my official testers for this dish.  After the deviled egg spread got lots of yummy noises and thumbs up as the hors d’oeuvres du jour for that dinner party, I intended to tell you about them right away.

But my brain, post 40, ain’t what it used to be.  I’ve been distracted by the entire first season of Ink Master, a few cringe worthy episodes of Dance Moms, the return of both Mad Men and The Killing, weekly visits to the yoga studio, and some evenings and weekends working with the ladies of Phi Mu.  There’s just not enough space in my head to keep everything straight….and it appears that deviled egg spread took the hit in this instance.

Let me throw an aside out there to you, the reader.  If you happen to fall in that demographic that makes advertisers drool, ie 18-24 or 25-34, you may be (arrogantly) thinking that this kind of thing will never happen to you.  You think that youthful perfection will always be on your side.  You can not image a day when you will be betrayed by your brain mid sentence when words just disappear or you spend 15 minutes searching for the car keys only to realize they have been in your hand the entire time.  In your mind, hell will freeze over before you will look in the mirror at the end of the day and realize that some crazy hair has been sticking out of your chin for christ knows how long (and nobody bothered to tell you).  Allow me to break the news to you gently….this IS your future.  Enjoy the youthful blessings of perfect recall, flawless complexion, and high metabolism.  Because one day, you will wake up and realize that you’ve become THAT person….the one that you mocked back in your younger days.

I say this from my own stroll down this path…Karma is a bitch and her memory is long.

Now that my public service announcement is over, let’s get back to deviled egg spread.  Because I may have missed my opportunity to get you on board with deviled egg spread in time for Easter, but we’re moving headlong into prime brunch, picnic, and potluck season.  Look at the calendar…Mother’s Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day are all lined up.  These occasions were made for deviled egg spread.  Whether you make bitty finger sandwiches to take to brunch or stand in the middle of your kitchen and enjoy a a slice of Wonder bread slathered with the spread, deviled egg spread is the right answer.

It is spring weekends served on toast points and summer holiday licked from the back of a spoon.  In an ever changing world, it is one of my constants.

Deviled Egg Spread

BAH Note:  I used small biscuit cutters to get those pita rounds I used to serve the egg spread.  There were dainty and polite for our company but truth be told, I would have happily used my hands to shove this spread in my mouth.

• 6 large eggs
• 1 tablespoon white vinegar
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1 1/2 teaspoons yellow mustard

Place the eggs in pot large enough so that you can cover the eggs completely with water with about an inch or so of water above the eggs.  Add the vinegar to the pot and cook over high heat until you reach a boil.  Once the water boils, cover your pot and take it off the heat.  Allow the eggs to sit in the water for 15 minutes before you carefully remove the eggs from the hot water and cool them in a bowl of cold water.

Once the eggs are cool, pour off the water.  Peel the shells and cut the eggs in half.  Roughly chop half of the eggs.  Place the remaining half of the eggs in the food processor.  Add the mustard and mayo and pulse until smooth.  Transfer the smooth egg mixture to a bowl, stir in the chopped eggs, and season to taste with salt and pepper.

{printable recipe}

In my daily life, I try to be a good person.  I hope that each day I am able to find compassion, empathy, and patience for myself and those around me.  I’ll be honest, some days that is hard to do.  And being even more honest, some days I know it is hard for others to find compassion, empathy, or patience for me…especially those that spend the workday with me.  Because I’ve become the person in the office who avoids changing the bottle in the water cooler.

Not that this excuses my offense but why can’t companies make smaller cooler bottles?  I’m no featherweight but hoisting a 5 gallon bottle of water from the floor to the counter and then tipping it into the cooler is a workout.  Water weighs a lot…just ask the Google.  You’ll see that a gallon of water weighs just over 8 pounds.  Fractions bother me so I’m going to just round down to 8 pounds per gallon.  That means the standard 5 gallon bottle of water that comes off the truck at our office every month has a water weight of 40 pounds right off the bat.  The plastic bottle itself is nearly 2 pounds.  And I know this because I just ran upstairs with the office postal scale and weighed an empty water bottle.

So, 42 pounds.  Even if I remember to lift with my legs and not my back, that’s a lot of pounds to lift, move, maneuver, and pray the whole time that I don’t end up soaking wet.  Would it really be so difficult to roll out a line of 2.5 or 3 gallon cooler bottles?  We can send people into outer space.  We have technology that allows us to talk on wireless phones.  We have fiber optic lines thinner than strands of human hair.  But we have antiquated water cooler bottles.

Is it possible that I use baked goods to atone for my water cooler sins?  Could be.  Maybe if I bring in a batch of cranberry orange muffins I can buy another few weeks of my coworkers turning a blind eye to my water cooler crimes.

Cranberry Orange Muffin

Adapted from Cooking Light

BAH Note:  CL said to bake for 15 minutes at 400.  I don’t know what kind of crazy nuclear oven they have but after 15 minutes at 380 degrees (convection) in my Advantium oven, the muffins were nowhere near done.  I gave them another 7 minutes before my tester came out clean.  I used a combination of all purpose and white whole wheat flour, along with some wheat bran but you can easily use only all purpose flour…you’ll want two cups total.  Oh, and you can also sprinkle a wee bit more sugar on the tops of the muffins right before you slide them into the oven.  And while you’re at it, go ahead and zest the orange(s) that you juiced and mix that into the batter.  I thought it needed an extra bit of zip.

• 1 ounce wheat bran (optional)
• 3.5 ounces white wheat flour (if omitting the wheat bran, increase to 4.5 ounces, or roughly one cup)
• 4.5 ounces all purpose flour (one cup)
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 cup orange juice
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 1 egg, beaten
• 2 cup fresh cranberries, roughly chopped

Heat oven to 400 degrees and line 18 muffin cups with liners.

Combine the flour(s), wheat bran (if using), sugar, salt, baking soda, and baking powder in a large bowl.

In a second bowl, or large measuring cup, add the oil, juice, and egg and stir to combine.

Add the liquid to the dry ingredients and stir until the liquid is just incorporated into a lumpy batter.  Fold in the cranberries and spoon the batter into the prepared muffin tins.

Bake for 15 to 25 minutes, until the tops of the muffins spring back when you press them lightly and a tester inserted in the center comes out clean.

Cool on a rack for 15 minutes before turning the muffins out to cool completely.

{printable recipe}

Back in my college days of the early 1990′s, Crunchy Granola was the phrase we used to describe someone who was a little, shall we say, outside the mainstream.  Of course, this was before the mainstream engulfed the ideas of conservation, ecological stewardship, grunge, or angst…often as a means of convincing consumers to part with their disposable income.  Wow, how jaded did that sound?  Or maybe I’ve just watched too much Mad Men for my own good.

Regardless, Crunchy Granola was not used in a complimentary manner at that point in my life.  Thankfully, through the kind intervention of Pork Cracklins, that has changed.

I came home one day to find a #lovebomb on my front porch.  Inside was a card that brightened my spirits, some lovely artisanal chocolate, and a batch of her homemade crunchy granola.  And right then and there, I changed my tune.

Crunchy Granola is not all sticks, hemp, and patchouli as life on the campus of UMBC from 1990 to 1994 indicated.  Crunchy Granola is perfectly baked oats and coconut that has been lightly sweetened, salted, and spiced before being married with dried fruits.  Actually, that is my idea of Crunchy Granola.  The beauty is that it can be anything you want it to be.  Nuts, other fruits, or even little bran like sticks if that’s your thing….they’re all good.

I’ve made this a number of times since that first #lovebomb encounter.  I make it by the gallon, or so it seems, and it’s never enough.

Crunchy Granola

Adapted from Serious Eats and Melissa Clark

BAH Note: Don’t make my mistake and add the dried fruit to the oats before the granola is cooked.  The fruit will end up rock hard and capable of doing some serious dental damage.

• 3 – 4 cups rolled oats
• 1 – 1 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut flakes
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/3 cup canola oil
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon or 5 spice powder
• 1 cup dried cherries
• 1/4 cup crystallized ginger, finely chopped (optional)
• 1/2 cup dried apricots, roughly chopped (optional)

Heat your oven to 300 degrees and line a half sheet pan with parchment.

In a large bowl, stir together the oats and coconut and set aside.

In a medium saucepan, cook the brown sugar, canola oil, maple syrup, spice, and salt over medium-low heat just until the sugar dissolves.  Use a spoon and carefully taste the sugar mixture.  If you want a saltier granola, add salt 1/4 teaspoon at a time until it is to your taste.  Pour the heated sugar mixture over the oats and coconut and stir with a silicone spatula or wooden spoon until the oats and coconut are thoroughly coated in the sugar mixture.

Or, if you prefer, skip this step entirely and just add the canola oil, brown sugar, maple syrup, salt, and spice to the bowl of oats and coconut.  Use a spoon, or your hands, to make sure everything is evenly combined.  Taste and adjust the salt and spice to your liking.

Spread the oat mixture onto the sheet pan and bake until the granola is golden and crunchy, anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes, stirring every 20 to 30 minutes.

Remove the pan from the oven, transfer the granola to a large bowl, and add in the dried fruit and ginger (if using).  Store in an airtight container.

{printable recipe}

I know what you’re thinking, “Here she goes with the black beans again.  I thought she said that she DOESN’T like black beans all that much.  Make up your mind lady.”

What can I say?  This recipe meets all my bonus point criteria.  In addition to black beans it has zucchini, cheese, sour cream, and avocado.  And it’s also crowd friendly since you finish the quesadillas off in the oven, letting you make a bunch at once.

If you need any more reasons to convince you to give these a try, email me.  I’ll have you over the next time these go on the menu.

Black Bean and Zucchini Quesadillas

Adapted from Pam Anderson’s Meatless Meals

BAH Note:  I typically make four quesadillas in a batch and have a bit of filling left over, which I add to a bunch of mixed greens for an easy salad another day.  If you’ve got a few more mouths to feed, make a couple of more quesadillas to use all of the filling.

BAH Tip: I have bad luck with fresh cilantro.  Even though I store it in a glass of water in the fridge, it always goes bad before I use it all.  My solution is to buy the tube of cilantro from the grocery store.  It’s not as good as using fresh but I don’t end up wasting a bunch of fresh herbs.  If you go the tube route, just be mindful of how you’re going to use it.  I wouldn’t recommend it as a finishing herb but in applications where you cook the herb into the dish, I consider a tablespoon or so to be an acceptable alternative.

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 small zucchini, diced
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1 can (15.5 ounces) black beans, rinsed and drained
• 4 (8 inch) flour tortillas
• 1 cup grated monterey jack cheese
• 1/4 cup cilantro, chopped (see BAH Tip above)
• sour cream
• 1 avocado, diced (optional)

Set an oven rack to the lowest position and heat the oven to 400 degrees.  Set a cooling rack into a rimmed baking sheet and set aside.

Heat the oil in a large frying pan set over medium heat.  Add the zucchini and cook for approximately 5 minutes, or until softened.  Add the cumin and oregano and cook another minute.  Stir in the black beans and cilantro and cook until the filling is just dry.  Transfer the filling to a bowl and wipe the frying pan out with a paper towel.

Return the frying pan to the stove over medium high heat.  Working one at a time, add a tortailla to the pan and cook until the bottom just begins to brown.  Carefully turn the tortilla over and cook for about 30 seconds until the tortilla puffs a bit and begins to brown on the other side.  Transfer the tortilla to the prepared baking sheet and immediately fold it in half.  Repeat with the remaining tortillas.

Once all the tortillas are warmed, open each tortilla and place 1/3 cup of the filling mixture on the bottom half of each tortilla.  Top each with approximately 1/4 cup of grated cheese, fold the tortillas back in half, and press lightly.

Bake in the oven for approximately 10 to 15 minutes or until the tortillas are crisp and the filling is warm.  Serve with sour cream and diced avocado.

{printable recipe}

Black beans are one of those foods that has taken me a while to warm up to.  A long while.  Whenever I wander into Chipotle, I always get my burrito bowl sans beans since I don’t load up on the other fixings that could distract me from the fact that THERE ARE BLACK BEANS IN MY CHICKEN AND RICE.   Good Lord, if that doesn’t make me sound like a picky eater I don’t know what does.  But at least I don’t have any restrictions on letting my foods touch.  That has to be its own special kind of hell for parents of picky eaters.

So yes, distraction is my way of coping with black beans.  If a recipe calls for beans, I look to see if there are enough other ingredients that will provide camouflage.  Or strong flavors.  Major bonus points if both other ingredients and strong flavors are present in the recipe.  Sorry black bean burgers, you will never earn those bonus points in my grade book.

Despite my pickiness, I am slowly beginning to make my peace with black beans.  I don’t have a lot of recipes in my repertoire that use them but at least now I don’t turn my nose up at the rows of black beans lined up like soldiers as I walk through the grocery store aisles.  And occasionally, I even reach up and grab a can or two.

Shrimp and Black Bean Wontons

Adapted from My Morning Chocolate

BAH Note: I had more wontons than I had filling, so I baked some up like chips.  You could, if you were so inclined, deconstruct this recipe so that the wonton filling is baked up in a dish like a dip and served with the wonton “chips”.  Either way, black beans + shrimp + cream cheese + strong flavors = major bonus points.

• 1/2 can black beans
• 1 cup cooked shrimp, tails and shells removed
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon corriander
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• juice of 1 lime
• 1/4 cup cream cheese, softened
• 1 shallot, diced
• wonton wrappers

Rinse and drain the beans and place them in a large mixing bowl.  Chop the shrimp roughly and add it to the bowl of beans.  Add all remaining ingredients other than the wonton wrappers, stir to thoroughly combine, taste and add more spices or salt as necessary.  Cover the bowl and set it aside.

Heat the oven to 375 degrees and line two half sheet pans with parchment.

Place 10 – 12 wonton wrappers on each pan.  Spoon about 1 tablespoon of filling onto each wonton, not quite in the center.  Use a wet finger to moisten two sides of each wonton, fold each wonton in half to form a triangle, and press the edges with the tines of a fork to seal.

Brush the tops lightly with olive oil and bake for 10-12  minutes, rotating the pans halfway through, until the edges are browned and crisp.

{printable recipe}

The following originally appeared on 5/4/09 on Exit 51.

In A Pickle