Flashback Friday – Road Trippin’

Flashback Friday

The following originally appeared on 4/4/08 at Exit 51

Road Trippin’

The camera is already packed away, otherwise I’d have a photo to post showing that’s the playlist on my iPod for the trip. Just a few more days and I’ll be headed out on holiday. The question has been asked how it is that I’ve come to be going on vacation just now. More than the question, is the reaction I get when people realize that I’m going away while my husband is still overseas. I swear that I can see the wheels turning in their heads…it goes something like this:

Me: I’m headed to Scotland on vacation.

Them: That’s great. You and The Mistah will have a great time.

Me: Oh no, he’s still over in Iraq. I’m going with a friend.

Them: Oh. (pause) (pause) (smile) Well that’s nice too.

I suppose I can understand that it’s unexpected to be headed so far away while he’s gone. But really, is wanting to have fun bad if it can’t be with The Mistah? I’ve already done this once where I felt guilty if I went out and enjoyed myself or was more than an arm’s length away from a phone. Those were not good times.

If he were here, I’d drag him along in a heartbeat. But the Army has him for a while longer. And truth be told, this trip was conceived of as a diversion, something for me to look forward to after having to say goodbye at the end of his visit home.

I blame it all on Frau Poshizzle. For as long as we’ve known each other, and that’s been many MANY years now, somehow I was always considered the bad influence. I really don’t know how people got THAT idea. But last fall she mentioned that she was going to Scotland. And I automatically assumed that she was going with her husband. Well, I was wrong. When she got back and was telling me about her trip, I figured out that she had decided that she wanted to go, so she went.

And I envied her. Not in a bad way though. More in a ‘now why hadn’t I thought of that’ way. The more I thought about it, the better the idea sounded. Picking up and going on an adventure is exactly the kind of thing I like to think I would do…I had just never done it before.

In a way, I’m attempting to reconnect with myself, to figure out who I am, who I have become during these last few years. The disruptions in our lives caused by the deployments have been profound. We’re married, but we’re living apart. Our lives have moved forward, but not necessarily together at the same pace. Our life together has been put on hold for over two years.

Without a doubt, I will celebrate the end of this absence once The Mistah is home. But for the time being, I’m going to Scotland.

6 thoughts on “Flashback Friday – Road Trippin’

  1. At risk of sounding like a bad wife, I think it might be good for couples to have some time apart (not necessarily as much as you and the Mistah had). A girl’s weekend here, a business trip there. At least for me, it helps me to remember, hey I can do this alone, I’m still a person, not just half of a couple.

    This was good timing for this, since I’m about to embark on a week on my own–part for business, part for fun.

    1. Beth, I couldn’t agree more. And in the interest of trying to see both sides of the issue, I think that because the nature of our time apart was so uncomfortable for people (myself included), they maybe couldn’t separate out the emotion of the situation (again, myself included).

      It’s taken me two years to be able to even put that last sentence together in my head. At the time, I was very hurt by people questioning my choice which I perceived as questioning my loyalty, my commitment. There were moments where I wondered whether I was doing the right thing, whether I was a bad wife or a selfish person. While the answer to those may be yes, going on that trip was the right choice for me. For exactly the reason you mentioned – it helped me remember that I am still a person in my own right and not just The Mistah’s Missus.

      I was unsure about reposting this piece at all. I thought maybe it would be better if it just faded away along with Exit 51. I’m glad that I did and that it spoke to you.

      Thanks for reminding me that we need to be true to and honor all of our history, not just the happy parts of it.

    1. Kitch that trip was a great experience for me. I can’t believe it’s been two years ago already. 

      I’m hoping to go back one day and take The Mistah with me.

  2. Much as I like The Mistah, you’re a pretty fantastic package all by yourself. Thanks for the twelve (and one half) kilt count across Scotland with me. ♥

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