It seems by now I should know that The Universe really does listen. And that sometimes when it sends Opportunity knocking on my door, it doesn’t always look the way I expect it to.
I didn’t intend to talk about Opportunity and how it showed up three weeks ago. But this space, and this community, has been my confessional where I have spoken openly about many of my struggles, including our hopes of adopting and our frustration with the process. This also seems to be the place where The Universe listens to what is in my heart…once I find the courage to put it into words. So here I am. Universe, I hope you are listening.
Three weeks ago I decided that maybe I needed to let go of some things in order to make room in my life for new opportunities. I said that I felt as though a change was coming, but that I did not know what form it might take.
Two days after I made the decision to put BAH on hold, The Universe came along and let me know that I needed to let go of more. The volunteer position that I had held for the last two and a half years was not being renewed. This hurt. It hurt a lot because I believed strongly in the work I was doing and the connections I was forging with the young women with whom I worked. And it was just taken away from me. On one hand, I could see that maybe this was something that had to happen in order for a new Opportunity to present itself. But on the other hand, it still felt shitty.
Two days after that, we got a call. We got THE call. From our new adoption agency. After our Homestudy was approved in the spring, The Mistah and I came to the conclusion that the agency we had been working with was not the right organization for us. We asked around and got contact information for other agencies and found one that was a better fit.
Throughout this entire process we have known that our lives could change instantly. And it did. Our agency was working with a birth mother who had just delivered. The birth mother had consented to an adoption plan but there were complications with consent from the birth father. Without consent, a child cannot legally be adopted.
It was as though the decisions of that week culminated in Opportunity opening the door ever so slightly to see exactly how much we wanted to welcome it in. Would we take a chance on a risky placement or would we wait for a sure thing?
The Mistah and I talked about this well into the wee hours of the morning and decided that we were willing to take the risk.
We were advised to think about the situation as though we are providing foster care until we know how the legal situation is going to play out. In our heads, that’s what we’re doing. But in our hearts….well, in our hearts we are her parents. We shower her with hugs and kisses. We do our best to let her know that she is loved even though she has no idea what that means. And it frightens me to think there is a real chance that we will not have the opportunity to provide her with a loving home and allow her to become the fullest expression of herself.
We’re trying not to make this about us. To keep it about what is in the best interest of the baby. But we have agreed that we are in this for the long haul, even if that means pursuing parental rights directly in the courts. So Universe, I am here to tell you that what is in my heart is that I want to be this child’s mother. I want to take this leap. I want this responsibility. I want this Opportunity.