Universe, I Hope You Are Listening

It seems by now I should know that The Universe really does listen.  And that sometimes when it sends Opportunity knocking on my door, it doesn’t always look the way I expect it to.

I didn’t intend to talk about Opportunity and how it showed up three weeks ago.  But this space, and this community, has been my confessional  where I have spoken openly about many of my struggles, including our hopes of adopting and our frustration with the process.  This also seems to be the place where The Universe listens to what is in my heart…once I find the courage to put it into words.  So here I am.  Universe, I hope you are listening.

Three weeks ago I decided that maybe I needed to let go of some things in order to make room in my life for new opportunities.  I said that I felt as though a change was coming, but that I did not know what form it might take.

Two days after I made the decision to put BAH on hold, The Universe came along and let me know that I needed to let go of more.  The volunteer position that I had held for the last two and a half years was not being renewed.  This hurt.  It hurt a lot because I believed strongly in the work I was doing and the connections I was forging with the young women with whom I worked.  And it was just taken away from me.  On one hand, I could see that maybe this was something that had to happen in order for a new Opportunity to present itself.  But on the other hand, it still felt shitty.

Two days after that, we got a call.  We got THE call.  From our new adoption agency.  After our Homestudy was approved in the spring, The Mistah and I came to the conclusion that the agency we had been working with was not the right organization for us.  We asked around and got contact information for other agencies and found one that was a better fit.

Throughout this entire process we have known that our lives could change instantly.  And it did.  Our agency was working with a birth mother who had just delivered. The birth mother had consented to an adoption plan but there were complications with consent from the birth father.  Without consent, a child cannot legally be adopted.

It was as though the decisions of that week culminated in Opportunity opening the door ever so slightly to see exactly how much we wanted to welcome it in.  Would we take a chance on a risky placement or would we wait for a sure thing?

The Mistah and I talked about this well into the wee hours of the morning and decided that we were willing to take the risk.

We were advised to think about the situation as though we are providing foster care until we know how the legal situation is going to play out. In our heads, that’s what we’re doing. But in our hearts….well, in our hearts we are her parents.  We shower her with hugs and kisses. We do our best to let her know that she is loved even though she has no idea what that means.  And it frightens me to think there is a real chance that we will not have the opportunity to provide her with a loving home and allow her to become the fullest expression of herself.

We’re trying not to make this about us.  To keep it about what is in the best interest of the baby.  But we have agreed that we are in this for the long haul, even if that means pursuing parental rights directly in the courts.  So Universe, I am here to tell you that what is in my heart is that I want to be this child’s mother.  I want to take this leap.  I want this responsibility.  I want this Opportunity.

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18 Responses to Universe, I Hope You Are Listening

  1. courtneychampion675 says:

    Love love love. I don’t even know what else to say.

  2. hima says:

    congratulations! I’m thrilled to pieces for you.

  3. Jan Mosteiko says:

    You gave me goosebumps! Well stated and fully from your heart. I hope you do not have to go the legal system. I pray everything will go smoothly in the next 10 or so days. Yes the Universe spoke and she will not let you down. Love you dearly.

  4. Wishing you happiness and joy.

  5. Theresa says:

    So happy for you! I hope the Universe is listening and that all the pieces fall into place for you 🙂

  6. jacki says:

    I’m crying for joy right now. I can’t express how deeply happy I am for you. Thank the Universe! I would love to see a picture of your wee baby. I hope you get to enjoy her for the rest of your life. I wish you the absolute best of luck. If she happens to be colicky, email me; I lived through the nightmare of colic for 4 months, and may have some helpful advice.

  7. Sharon says:

    This baby is so very lucky to have you and the Mistah as her parents. I am so happy for you all! Love, blessings, and pure happiness from me to you.

  8. missmobtown says:

    Been thinking about the three of you and keeping my fingers crossed SO HARD. Thank you once again for so eloquently sharing what is in your heart.

  9. Wendi says:

    Thank you everyone for your encouragement and excitement. As anxious as we are about the legal stuff we are 100% enjoying spoiling this baby rotten with hugs, kisses, and lots of love.

  10. omawarisan says:

    She has no idea what it means, but two people who can show her.
    Lucky baby.
    Yay universe.

  11. omawarisan says:

    PS. You can say you’re not doing this anymore. I refuse to cancel my subscription, so put THAT in your diaper bag ma’am.

    I’m glad we can have these talks.

  12. Jennifer A (Bread and Putter) says:

    The universe couldn’t have picked a better place for her to be.

  13. theminx says:

    Wow! May the Universe bless you with that baby girl forever.

  14. Jenna says:

    Oh Wendi!! I’m praying for you. That you may be the little girl’s mother forever, with no court drama necessary! And that God will give you his peace . . . which surpasses all understanding.

  15. Oh I was truly hoping this was the reason you were not at BSP3…my eyes are filled with tears…I hope the universe works in the best of ways for both you and the tiny babe. ❤

  16. elizabeth says:

    Hurrah! Everything possible can be crossed (fingers, toes, arms, legs) so that this works out for you and the little one.

  17. Happiness Recipe

    Ingredients:
    Love
    Patience
    Worry
    Time
    Experience
    Belief
    Values

    Blend love, and your experience. Reserve time. Take child to Ballet practice. Read Dr. Seuss. Mix in some worry because it’s like paprika (nobody is quite sure what it does, but somehow it gives flavor to the whole thing). Let child rise. Check her homework frequently. Baste with prepared mixture of belief in child and your values. Know who her friends are. Add in more love because, really you just can’t overdo it with the love. Keep warm for 21 years. Serve with Pride.
    Family style, dish makes enough to keep 3 happy, but serves many.

    Very best wishes to you,

    Joe P.

  18. Oh sweet friend!!! I was thinking about you today and wanted to stop by and say hi! What a wonderful surprise! There is NOTHING more fulfilling and rewarding as that of being a mama! Please let me know if you need anything…an ear, a shoulder, a nap (I’m a good babysitter), a meal, a break. Woo whoo!! I’m so excited for you and will be praying that you will be rewarded with a permanent situation for opening your heart.
    Much love!
    Kristin

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