Bon Appetit Hon

Closer To The Heart

12 September 2012by Wendi9 Comments

I was brought up with the expectation that when I received a gift, the proper thing to do was send a thank you card. As a young child, I would sit at the dining room table and, in my loopy juvenile cursive, thank my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great grandparents for their thoughtfulness in remembering my birthday, or sending a present down for Christmas. Those thank you notes were uncomplicated….thank you for “Where The Sidewalk Ends”. Books are my favorite thing. xoxoxo

As I’ve gotten older, the things for which I say thank you have gotten more complicated. And there isn’t always a direct mailing address for my note. Because sometimes it isn’t an individual who has given me a gift as much as it is the Universe allowing me an experience that will stay with me for a lifetime. Like the opportunity to see my dad before he passed away. Or the opportunity to get to know my grandmother as a person and not just as my guardian. And biggest by far would be for the opportunity to open my heart completely to a precious little girl.

Last time I was in this space, I was asking the Universe to give me that chance. I was asking it to eliminate the obstacles that The Mistah and I faced in our attempt to adopt. I know I was not alone in my petition. Our family, our friends, our entire village crossed fingers and said prayers.

While we waited, I did my best to let go of the fear and anxiety of what might happen. Instead, I focused on Libby. I held her, fed her, watched as she discovered something new every day and tried to think about how the world looked through her eyes.

And in what is likely the best gift I will ever receive, our prayers were answered. The obstacle that had been so daunting was simply gone. There’s no guidance from Emily Post about how to say thank you for something like that. So I have to find my own way…by announcing the news to family and friends that our family is growing, by joyfully loving this person who has forever changed our lives, and by saying thank you to everyone who has encouraged us along this journey.

It only feels right to actually write a thank you note, even if I have no way of mailing it, so here goes.

Dear Universe,

Thank you for the trust and confidence you have shown in us. Becoming Libby’s parents is a tremendous gift that we will cherish for a lifetime. As I watch her grow and develop each and every day, I want for her to have a world of endless possibilities. I delight in seeing the joy in her whole body when she smiles and I take comfort in feeling her fall asleep with her head buried in my chest. The last seven weeks have been unlike anything I’ve ever known but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. xoxoxo

Random

Universe, I Hope You Are Listening

10 August 2012by Wendi18 Comments

It seems by now I should know that The Universe really does listen. And that sometimes when it sends Opportunity knocking on my door, it doesn’t always look the way I expect it to.

I didn’t intend to talk about Opportunity and how it showed up three weeks ago. But this space, and this community, has been my confessional where I have spoken openly about many of my struggles, including our hopes of adopting and our frustration with the process. This also seems to be the place where The Universe listens to what is in my heart…once I find the courage to put it into words. So here I am. Universe, I hope you are listening.

Three weeks ago I decided that maybe I needed to let go of some things in order to make room in my life for new opportunities. I said that I felt as though a change was coming, but that I did not know what form it might take.

Two days after I made the decision to put BAH on hold, The Universe came along and let me know that I needed to let go of more. The volunteer position that I had held for the last two and a half years was not being renewed. This hurt. It hurt a lot because I believed strongly in the work I was doing and the connections I was forging with the young women with whom I worked. And it was just taken away from me. On one hand, I could see that maybe this was something that had to happen in order for a new Opportunity to present itself. But on the other hand, it still felt shitty.

Two days after that, we got a call. We got THE call. From our new adoption agency. After our Homestudy was approved in the spring, The Mistah and I came to the conclusion that the agency we had been working with was not the right organization for us. We asked around and got contact information for other agencies and found one that was a better fit.

Throughout this entire process we have known that our lives could change instantly. And it did. Our agency was working with a birth mother who had just delivered. The birth mother had consented to an adoption plan but there were complications with consent from the birth father. Without consent, a child cannot legally be adopted.

It was as though the decisions of that week culminated in Opportunity opening the door ever so slightly to see exactly how much we wanted to welcome it in. Would we take a chance on a risky placement or would we wait for a sure thing?

The Mistah and I talked about this well into the wee hours of the morning and decided that we were willing to take the risk.

We were advised to think about the situation as though we are providing foster care until we know how the legal situation is going to play out. In our heads, that’s what we’re doing. But in our hearts….well, in our hearts we are her parents. We shower her with hugs and kisses. We do our best to let her know that she is loved even though she has no idea what that means. And it frightens me to think there is a real chance that we will not have the opportunity to provide her with a loving home and allow her to become the fullest expression of herself.

We’re trying not to make this about us. To keep it about what is in the best interest of the baby. But we have agreed that we are in this for the long haul, even if that means pursuing parental rights directly in the courts. So Universe, I am here to tell you that what is in my heart is that I want to be this child’s mother. I want to take this leap. I want this responsibility. I want this Opportunity.

Random

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

16 July 2012by Wendi11 Comments

“It’s not you. It’s me.” How many times have you heard that one? Have many times have you found those words tumbling from your own mouth? Often, we use that line in an attempt to gently extricate ourselves from a situation. We verbally try and reassure others that the reason the relationship is ending is solely on our shoulders. Which is usually a big bunch of hooey. Usually, it’s both you and me, at least to some degree. But it’s easier to shut a relationship down with a mea culpa and a (hopefully) graceful exit.

I’ve been considering a graceful exit from Bon Appetit Hon. I had hoped that putting the blog on autopilot with my draft posts would magically get my head, and heart, back in this space. But here I sit with all those “freebies” used up and I’m no more ready, or able, to dip my toes back in the water that I was a few months ago. So clearly, that didn’t quite work out as planned.

I’m not sure what “it” is that is missing; I was never good at solving for “x” in equations, except in the most basic of problems. And the ins and outs of life are anything but basic.

It’s not so much that I feel as though I’m being pulled away from BAH as much as it is that I’m not being pulled to it. Five years is a long time to find new things to say to engage with readers, develop friendships, and reveal enough about myself to keep things interesting without veering into “clearly this lady is nuts” territory. And between Exit 51 and BAH, it’s been almost five years to the day.

It would be overly simplistic to say that the events of the last year are responsible for this shift in my attention. But it would be a lie to say that they had no impact at all. Yes, there’s been some (ok, a lot) of reflection and introspection. But just as none of that has told me it is time to put the brakes on this online journey, it also hasn’t told me to hit the gas and get moving.

If I look at the situation through the lens of my astrological sign, it makes perfect sense. I’m a Cancer. The crab. Oh lord, am I ever The Crab. I tend to come at things not exactly head-on, but from the sides. I carry around an armored shell studded with barbs and accessorized with mighty pincers ready to clamp down. And when I have outgrown my shell, I slough it off. But I need to find the protection of a rock or a hiding place because once that shell comes off, I am vulnerable. After my new shell hardens and I am safely ensconced in armor once again, I’m back on my way skittering around.

It’s the strangest thing to say but I feel as though change is afoot and I need to get myself someplace protected in order to leave this old shell behind. I have said it a million times…Change is scary. So part of me is still trying to hold on with both pincers while the rest of the shell wants to pull away. Eventually, I will shed this carapace and leave it on the sandy bottom…a mere reminder, an outline, of what was.

So what does all of this mean? Is BAH the old shell? Is it the rock under which I will seek protection? I have no idea. It could be either one. Or it could be something entirely different, something completely off my radar at the moment. For the time being, I’m going to let this space just be. It’s the one thing in the grasp of my pincers that I just can’t release just yet. Maybe once this old shell is discarded I will find my way back to this spot. Or maybe the tide will take me someplace different to grow into new my new shell.

Wherever the tide takes you, and me, I hope that our paths cross again.

Random

Flashback Friday – This Summer I…

13 July 201210 April 2012by WendiLeave a Comment

The following post originally appeared on BAH on 10 September 2009.

I don’t remember ever actually having to write an essay about what I did on my summer vacation. Do teachers really give that as an assignment or have we collectively just made it up? Regardless, it’s a good thing I never had to write about my summers. Because for me, summer vacation from school did not equal going away. Sure, there was one time that we took a day trip to Ocean City. All I remember is leaving for the beach before the sun was even up and having to change out of my sandy bathing suit in the back of the car at the end of the day. There was also a stop at some restaurant along Rt. 50 for breakfast. Silver Dollar pancakes, that I remember.

Even as an adult, I haven’t traveled much. If I had the time, then I didn’t have the money. When I had the money, I didn’t have the time. Now, the Mistah and I have talked and talked about taking a trip, pretty much since we’ve been married. Not like a long weekend away somewhere we could drive to but an honest to god, pack a big suitcase and get your passport stamped vacation. It only took us five years for all the pieces to come together.

Since it could be quite a while before we ever get back to these places, we crammed as much as we could into the time we had. I’ll try and condense nine day’s worth of adventure for you:

France is closed on Sunday.
I can’t find my way out of a (traffic) circle.
U2 let us bring 87,998 of our closest friends to see them at Wembley Stadium.
Croissants you get here ought to be ashamed of themselves. They are nothing like croissants you get in France.
It’s totally worth the money to splurge on the Eurostar to get from England to mainland Europe. Just don’t miss the train because you’re waiting for France to get back from lunch so you can return your rental car.
Eating at the mall food court in France is exactly like eating at a food court here. Except that you can get a beer with your le burger and les fries at McDonald’s.
Airport security is really serious about not letting liquids larger than 1 ounce in your carryon. They can also be reluctant to let you keep your fine Belgian chocolates.
Did I mention that France is closed on Sunday?
Omaha Beach in Normandy has stones that “bleed”.
The $30 food voucher you get when the airline puts you up overnight isn’t enough to buy an order of pasta, a chicken Cesar salad, and two diet cokes at the Best Western.
If you set an alarm on your cell phone for 4:45 am so you can get back to the airport by 5:30, because you had to spend the night in Toronto, make sure you reset the clock on the phone so it’s not still running on London time.

If you happen to be visiting London, Bruges, or Normandy, I highly recommend:

Walking the grounds of the Royal Hospital Chelsea.

Ordering either the Chocolate Mousse or Iced Lemon Parfait at Bluebird.

Using the Wembley Park tube stop rather than the Wembley Central stop to get to Wembley Stadium.

The grilled asparagus at Zizzi in Paddington.

Making a reservation to enjoy the stuffed sole at Bistro De Eetkamer.

Visiting the Beer Wall.

Souvenirs from The Chocolate Line.

The view from the top of Mont Saint Michel and walking the sand flats at low tide.

Listening to the audio tour for The Bayeux Tapestry.

Crepes with butter and caramel sauce or french vanilla ice cream at Creperie Insolite.

Pia’s breakfast at Chateau de Lignerolles.

Roel’s full day tour of the D-Day Landing Beaches.

Looking up at the ceiling in the Chapel at the American Cemetery in Colleville.

So that’s what I did on my summer vacation, what about you?

Baking, Dessert, Sweets

Brownie Cupcakes

11 July 201210 April 2012by WendiLeave a Comment

Brownie Cupcakes

Adapted from Annie Riggs

6 ounces bittersweet chocolate chips
1 stick of butter, cubed
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

Heat the oven to 325 degrees and paper 12 cupcake liners in a muffin tin.

Place the chocolate and butter in a microwave safe bowl and cook in 30 second increments on 50% power until completely melted.

While the melted chocolate mixture cools slightly, whisk the sugar, eggs, and vanilla in another bowl until foamy. Stir in the chocolate mixture until combined. Sift the dry ingredients into the bowl and fold the mixture until incorporated.

Portion the batter into the prepared muffin tin and bake for approximately 15 minutes or until the brownie-cakes have risen and are firm to the touch. If you test with a toothpick, you should see some moist crumb stuck to your tester.

Cool in the pan for 5 minutes and then carefully remove the brownie-cakes from the pan and transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Uncategorized

Peach Preserves

9 July 201210 April 2012by WendiLeave a Comment

Peach Preserves

Adapted from Ball Blue Book Guide to Preserving

BAH Note: I took this base preserve recipe and made three different batches of preserves. One was plain peach preserves. The second was a ginger peach preserve (added ground ginger to taste to the base recipe). The third was habernero peach preserve (added a few splashes of hot sauce to the base recipe). No matter if you fancy it up or not, it’s good stuff.

4 cups peach slices (from about 4 pounds peaches)
1 package powdered pectin
2 tablespoons lemon juice
7 cups sugar

Working in batches, blanch the peaches in boiling water for about one minute. Remove with a slotted spoon or spider strainer and transfer the peaches to a towel lined board to cool. Use a pairing knife to remove the skins and then pit and slice the peaches.

Combine the peach slices, pectin, and lemon juice in a dutch oven or large non-reactive pot. Bring to a boil over medium high heat, stirring occasionally. Add the sugar, stirring until it is dissolved, and bring to a rolling boil. Boil hard for 1 minute, stirring constantly.

Remove from the heat, ladle the jam into heated jars, leaving 1/4 inch head space, and process for 10 minutes.

Let the jars cool for 24 hours before checking the seal and storing the jars. Any jars that have not sealed should be refrigerated or immediately reprocessed using new lids.

Breakfast/Brunch

Flashback Friday – Poached

6 July 201210 April 2012by Wendi1 Comment

The following post appeared on BAH on 9 September 2009.

After the underwhelming outcome of my egg experiment, I wanted to give it another try. So I tasked my friend Google to see what other recipes were out there. The short answer is a lot. Most of the ones that I found involved baking the eggs in the oven. But there was one from Williams Sonoma that was more like a poached egg. I liked that approach because poaching, as a gentler cooking method, gives me a little more wiggle room before I go from raw to rubber.

Now, if you’ve ever looked at the recipes in the Williams Sonoma catalog, they are basically vehicles to get you to buy their wares. And I’m sure the fancy-schmancy Breakfast Pan that is specified in the Eggs en Cocotte recipe is the bomb, but a little reverse engineering with a large sauce pan and some glass ramekins worked just fine and didn’t cost me $175.

So I made myself a nice water bath on the stove and got cracking. Unlike last time, I was pretty vigilant about checking the progress of my eggs. Since I was using improvised tools, my cooking times were slightly longer than what the folks at WS said to expect. But that’s ok because after about 15 minutes (10 minutes on the heat, 5 minutes off) the whites were perfectly cooked, the yolks were firm but still soft and creamy, and the cheese had melted into the eggs and ham. I tried to get one of the eggs out of the ramekin and onto a plate can state with all certainty that eating it directly out of the ramekin is a much better idea.

Another good idea? Don’t think that this is just for breakfast or brunch. I think Eggs en Cocotte, as WS likes to call them, is a great dinner option especially if you’re cooking for just one person.

Eggs en Cocotte

Adapted from williams-sonoma.com

I easily made two individual servings in a 4 quart sauce pan on the stove. If I were cooking more than four ramekins, I would probably put the whole thing in a large roasting pan, filled with simmering water to reach halfway up the ramekins, and bake at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes.

1/4 cup cooked bacon or ham (I used canadian bacon), diced
1/4 cup, plus 4 teaspoons, shredded cheese
4 eggs
8 teaspoons heavy cream (I used half and half)
Salt and pepper to taste
fresh chives or other herb

Fill a large sauce pan with water (I put my ramekins in the pan, added enough water to reach halfway up them, and then removed the ramekins). Cover the pan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Reduce heat to low.

Lightly coat ramekins with olive oil or butter. Put 1 tablespoon diced bacon or ham in the bottom of each and top with 1 tablespoon of cheese. Break one egg into each ramekin and top with 2 teaspoons cream and 1 additional teaspoon cheese.

Place the ramekins in the simmering water. Cover and cook until whites and yolks are set. The recipe said 6 to 7 minutes for runny yolks and 9 to 10 minutes for firmer ones. Don’t be afraid to test the whites with a fork because after 10 minutes the whites were not cooked. So I let the pan sit, covered, off the heat for another five minutes or so until the whites had cooked and the yolks were soft set.

Carefully remove the ramekins from the pan, season with salt, pepper, and herbs. Serve immediately.

{Printable Recipe}

Main Course

Beef Tenderloin with Wine Sauce

4 July 201210 April 2012by WendiLeave a Comment

Beef Tenderloin with Wine Sauce

Adapted from Ellie Krieger

BAH Note: To amp up the wine sauce even more, whisk in 1 tablespoon of butter just before taking the sauce off the heat and serving.

2 pounds beef tenderloin
4 teaspoons olive oil, divided
1/2 cup diced shallots
2 carrots, peeled and grated
2 cups red wine
2 cups beef broth
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 bay leaf
1 sprig fresh thyme
1 tablespoon natural cocoa powder (unsweetened)
1 teaspoon finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves

Heat your oven to 425 degrees. Line a half sheet pan with aluminum foil and set a cooling rack in the pan.

Pat the tenderloin dry and then season all over with kosher salt and pepper. Heat 2 teaspoons of the oil in a large frying pan over medium high heat. Add the beef and sear until well browned on all sides, approximately 10 to 15 minutes.

Transfer the tenderloin to the sheet pan and roast in the oven until an instant read thermometer inserted in the thickest part of the tenderloin reaches 140 degrees for medium rare, approximately 30 minutes (155 degrees for medium). Remove the tenderloin from the oven and let it rest, covered with foil, until ready to serve.

While the tenderloin roasts, heat the remaining oil in a large saucepan over medium high heat. Add the shallots and carrot and cook until softened, about 5 or 10 minutes. Add the wine, broth, tomato paste, thyme, and bay leaf and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer until the liquid reduces to about 1/2 cup, approximately 40 minutes.

Once the sauce has reduced, pour it through a fine mesh sieve into a small saucepan. Be sure to press all the juices out of the vegetables. Whisk the cocoa powder into the reduced sauce, add the rosemary and season to taste with salt and pepper.

Serve the sauce over slices of the beef tenderloin.

Main Course

Baked Barley and Mushrooms

2 July 201210 April 2012by Wendi1 Comment

Baked Barley and Mushrooms

Adapted from And Baby Cakes Three

1 onion, diced
1 pound mushrooms, sliced
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup barley
2 1/2 tablespoons butter
2 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth, simmering
1/4 cup shredded cheese (optional)

Heat the oven to 350 degrees.

Place the butter and olive oil in a dutch oven over medium heat. Once the butter has melted, saute the onions and mushrooms until tender, approximately 10 to 15 minutes. Add the barley and salt and stir so that it gets coated with the oil in the pot. Cook the barley for a few minutes, until it gets a bit toasty, before stirring in the simmering broth.

Stir to combine, cover with a lid (or aluminum foil if your pot doesn’t have a lid) and bake for 1 hour.

After an hour, carefully remove the pot to check for doneness. Most of the liquid should be absorbed and the barley should be just tender. If the barley is still too hard, add additional liquid and continue to cook, covered, checking every 15 to 20 minutes. Once the barley is done, you can cook for 10 or 15 minutes with the lid off if you have too much liquid left in your pot.

Carefully remove from the oven and stir in the grated cheese, if using, before serving.

Main Course, Pasta

Flashback Friday – Undecided

29 June 201210 April 2012by WendiLeave a Comment

The following post originally appeared on BAH on 2 September 2009.

I can’t decide if I like this recipe or not. Maybe it needs a different cheese because the smoked Gouda seemed to overwhelm everything else. Other than a cheese substitution, would you make any other changes?

Ziti Baked with Spinach, Tomatoes, and Smoked Gouda

Cooking Light Pasta

8 ounces uncooked ziti
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup chopped onion
1 cup chopped yellow bell pepper
3 cloves garlic, minced
14.5 ounces canned diced tomatoes with basil, garlic, and oregano, with juices
10 ounces canned Italian seasoned diced tomatoes, with juices
4 cups baby spinach
1 1/4 cups (5 ounces) shredded smoked Gouda, divided

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Cook pasta according to package directions. Drain well.

Heat oil in a dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add onion and pepper and cook for 5 minutes. Add garlic and saute 2 minutes or until onion is tender. Stir in tomatoes and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add spinach to pan and cook 30 seconds or until spinach wilts, stirring frequently. Remove from heat.

Add pasta and 3/4 cup cheese to tomato mixture. Toss well to combine.

Spoon pasta mixture in 5 individual, or 1 large, casserole dish lightly coated with cooking spray. Sprinkle evenly with 1/2 cup cheese.

Bake for 15 minutes or until cheese melts and begins to brown.

{Printable Recipe}

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